Feeling empty and incomplete when you’re not in a relationship is a profound signal that your connection with yourself needs conscious attention. This common experience isn’t a romantic failing, but a manifestation of normalized codependency in our culture. It often stems from a foundational lack of self-love, self-trust, and low self-worth, which lead many people to seek external sources to feel whole, happy, and enough, rather than cultivating that within.

Why is it so hard for me to be alone?

Many people find it deeply uncomfortable or even scary to be alone, actively distracting themselves from truly being with themselves. This discomfort arises from deep-seated patterns of normalized codependency and a foundational lack of self-love and self-trust. When you don’t feel whole in yourself, you often unconsciously seek someone else to fill that void, believing you need a relationship to experience happiness, completeness, or even a sense of being enough. This becomes a coping mechanism rather than an act of self-love.

Can I feel whole and happy on my own?

To genuinely feel whole and happy on your own, the path involves intentionally cultivating your relationship with yourself and learning to fall in love with who you’re. This means nurturing that inner connection and prioritizing it above external roles, relationships, or responsibilities. For me, after my husband passed and a subsequent intense trauma bond relationship ended, I was done with relationships and realized the deep importance of feeling whole in myself. This journey allowed me to truly awaken to wholeness and prioritize my relationship with myself before seeking any external partnership.

You can learn more about falling in love with yourself and awakening to wholeness in my podcast, The Simple Source, in the episode “Four Years Single: Falling in Love with Myself, Awakening, and Wholeness“.